Torah offers wisdom as we face Jethro's choice

As we age, we face many difficult choices. One of the most difficult is choosing where we will live in our "golden years." By that time, our children will have their own lives. They will be busy with their careers and families. They may be living close by or on the other side of the country or overseas. The house in which we lived may have become too much for us. But it is hard to move.

If we move, will it be to a smaller house or to an apartment? Do we want to live alone or live with a child? Does she or he want us? Do we move away to be close to grandchildren or stay in the old community? We have many questions to answer and, for most of us, the primary questions are— How can I avoid being a burden? How can I keep my independence? Where will I be safe? Will I be alone?

Every generation faces these choices, although they may seem particularly acute in our mobile world. There is no one correct answer. Everyone's life is different. We all have varying goals, dreams, abilities, resources, family ties and other relationships. We may all have the same questions, but the only right answer is the one that works for anyone of us as an individual and as a member of a family.

In Parashat Baha'alotecha, Moses' father-in-law, Jethro, confronts this universal issue. After learning of the Exodus from Egypt, Jethro brings his daughter, Tzipporah, Moses' wife, and their children, to the wilderness of Sinai, where the Israelites have set up camp. Moses welcomes Jethro into the Israelite community and Jethro advises Moses on key issues. Jethro witnesses the revelation on Mount Sinai, the early challenges to Moses' authority, the building of the Mishkan (the Desert Sanctuary) and the transformation of a band of escaped slaves to a free people. A year passes since Jethro first arrived and Moses and the Israelites make ready to resume their journey to the Promised Land. (Numbers 10:29-31)

Just before the Israelites are about to depart, Moses asks his father-in-law, Jethro (here called Hobab), to join them on their journey. Moses assures Jethro that he will be treated well. (Numbers 10:29) Jethro, a Midianite priest and father of six other girls, replies that he will go back to his own land and to the rest of his family. (Numbers 10:30)

Moses, who apparently does not want to take no for an answer, asks again. He tells his father-inlaw that he could still play an important role. Moses argues that Jethro's knowledge of the wilderness and his insight into people would continue to be helpful. Finally, Moses promises Jethro that he would have a share in all the blessings that God will bestow on the Israelites. (Numbers 10:31)

So what does Jethro do? We do not know. The Torah does not tell us.

For this vital human question, the Torah offers wisdom, not advice. This brief narrative, like so many others in the Torah, gives us the basic information we need to explore a pressing concern, but not the solution. Here the Torah calls upon us to use the values expressed in our scriptural tradition and the insights we can draw from our own life experiences to address the issue: What would we do, if we were Jethro?

This is a good conversation to have with family and dear ones. In talking about Jethro and the decision he faces, we learn about the kinds of decisions that we, too, will have to make. As we learn how to advise Jethro, we are really gaining insight into our souls.

The Torah asks us to answer the question—What would we do, if we were Jethro?— because it knows that his question is our question.