The ultimate 'improve your relationship' manual
RABBI EPHRAIM EPSTEIN Congregation Sons of
Parshat Chayeh Sarah Gen. 23:1-25:18

If you walk into any bookstore, you will find an entire section on marriage and relationships. Countless radio programs, television programs, movies and websites are devoted to creating wholesome and meaningful marital relationships. How to find her, is he the right one, how will I know when it is right, how can I see myself committing to one person forever….Google any of the above topics and you will find millions of entries to review. People are lonely. Many singles are lonely and many married men and women are lonely too. There is an abundance of material available to address this important and serious modern day concern.

While much of this advice is, no doubt, valuable believe that the tried and true answers to questions on relationships have been around for over 3300 years right in this week's Parshah—Chayeh Sarah. Finding the right partner in life has been of vital concern since the days of Abraham and Sarah.

In Genesis 24:2 Abraham entrusts his servant Eliezer to seek a bride for Isaac. From the events that unfold throughout his journey, we learn three valuable lessons about the quest for good and lasting relationships.

• Family Involvement: It was Abraham, the father of Isaac who helped seek out a wife for his son. In our independent world, too many children miss out on the expert advice of their parents. Who taught the kid how to ride a bike, how to study, how to meet challenges throughout life? But when it comes to the most important decision in life should parents be left out until it is time to make the wedding?

• Prayer: In Genesis, Elie. 24:12, Eliezer prays fervently to G-d for assistance in finding the right bride for Isaac. Jews have always prayed in times of need. We pray when, G-d forbid a loved one is ill, on the day of a big interview or test and even on the day of a big sports game. Therefore, it is certainly appropriate and recommended to pray for assistance from G-d to find an appropriate partner for life.

• Chessed/Loving Kindness: - The character trait that best defines our father Abraham is his splendid display of loving kindness. It is this same trait of loving kindness that Eliezer spots in Rebecca, which enables her to be chosen as the wife for Isaac. The definition of loving-kindness - is doing a positive deed for another for no other reason then wanting to help—it is truly a G-dly act. It stands to reason that an important character trait to develop in ourselves as well as to search for in a mate is Chessed/Loving Kindness.

The Psalmist writes, Torat Hashem Temimah Meshivat Nafesh (the Torah of G-d is complete and nourishes our lives). There is no question, task or challenge that is outside the parameters of Torah wisdom. Fortunate is the one that understands and utilizes this timeless knowledge in all of life's endeavors.  rabbiepstein@sonsisrael.com